the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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