ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
