She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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