so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
