My friends, they love my intelligence
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
