Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
