You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
