Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
