o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
