oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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