my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
