I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
