Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
