Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
