i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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