I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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