she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
