I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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