haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
