Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
