ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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