i barfeds in our rink
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
only if we run a train.
done.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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