Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
