I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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