I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
