Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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