I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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