Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
is wine microwaveable?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
