Jerry, you need to find god
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
