I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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