oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
