Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
