I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
