you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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