I faked an abortion last night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
