Christians are straight up FREAKS
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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