My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
