you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
