The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
