Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
