omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
