she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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