Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
