I hate your face
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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