Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
