hotel room ftw
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She announced her abortion via fbk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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