Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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