So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
