I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what day is it and did you see me today?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
