kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
