it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
