Im at strip club and am horny
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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