i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
