Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
