I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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